A reflection from under the sea

“The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all”


 Judging from my last couple posts, you can probably tell how Disney has influenced my life and the values I have. Like most girls though, when it comes to my favorite characters, I’m partial to the Disney princesses. Some may argue that they all portray women in a bad light or think that true love will solve everything but I don’t totally believe that argument.

Some of the best songs, at least in my opinion, come from movies with these princesses. As an avid swimmer and someone who loves the water, beach; The Little Mermaid has always been one of my favorites. I love Ariel, Flounder, Sebastian, and their undersea family. Ariel is such a dreamer and yearns for more, much like myself growing up.The song Part of Your World and the lyrics have always held so much meaning to me, which is ridiculous because it’s just a song, but it does hold a deep lesson.

Flash forward a couple years in Disney movies to Mulan. Although Mulan does have a love story on the side, unlike most princess movies, it focuses more on Mulan discovering who she truly is. I love all the Disney princesses but Mulan personally appealed to me in how outspoken, determined, and courageous she is. Her character is so much like of my own. For anyone who has seen the Disney movie, you know it is full of great songs like Be a man and A girl were fighting for. But I love Reflection and the messege in that song.

Around the time Mulan was released, I was trying to get adjusted to life post brain cancer and now being physically disabled. It was like one day, I was one person and the next, everything I knew had changed. I went from running around with my friends on crazy adventures, not having a care in the world to struggling to stand or walk on my own and worrying about what I looked like because I was different. My cheeks were swollen from steriods, I had no movement in my face, and my eyes were always irritated. (still are sometimes but not as bad as it was) I became very self-conscious and no matter what I did or wore, people would still stare at me in public like I was some terrible deformed human being.

Reflection became my song. In many ways, I understood exactly what Mulan felt. I didn’t want to be the girl I saw in the mirror. I wanted to be me before cancer, radiation, and becoming physically disabled. I missed being able to run, jump, or walk carelessly through my backyard without worrying about falling flat on my face or hurting myself. This new me was strange and different. I struggled with accepting my new me and finding myself in this new life. Also, add this with the awkward middle school stages I was experiencing and having a father at home slowly dying of ALS, it was definitely not a great time for me.

Because of my insecurities and fears,  I started to let my disabilities define me and hid behind them instead of letting my personality shine through. By doing this I became a shell of myself and was causing my reflection to be blurry to others.

Like Mulan, I realized I needed to challenge myself, to be courageous, and to show people my abilities, instead of hiding behind my disabilities. Along with Mulan, my mind drifted back to Ariel, always wanting more, and thinking of all the possibilities. By learning to embrace my disabilities, I began to make my reflection clear and see the new, exciting opportunities that come with any change. I stopped wishing for the past to come back, faced my fears, and started living in the present moment.  I underwent surgery to repair my face, went on to high school, focused on improving my walking, and even took up gymnastics again (something I never thought I would be able to do after having cancer) Like Ariel, I began to explore the world outside of what I had known and realized how beautiful life could be even if I am disabled. By taking a chance, having courage, and facing my fears, I stepped outside of my bubble, making my reflection clear once again.

 You got your own style so let it come through and remember no matter what, you got to be you



1 Comment

Filed under Positive attitude towards life

One response to “A reflection from under the sea

  1. Barbara Biller

    You are amazing! Love your candor. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings.
    You make this world a better place.
    love you


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